OKay... i am being childish... u say all u wan about me... wadever... i wun care aniwae... i was crying when i reached home today, i really cannot stand it animore... i feel like crying even now... i am alwaes trying to be ignorant of his presence, i am never me. i'm tired of people saying his name. i'm tired of being ignored. do u all noes how it feels to be ignored? to be ignored of wad u r feeling? to be ignored of wadever u do? and ppl still haf to say, "dun care her, she's alwaes lidat." no one understands me. dey thinks i am alwaes the happi-go-lucky gurl who's alwaes high. the gurl who will be happy even if the sky falls down. well let me tell u ppl, I AM NOT! i am not as strong as all of u seems okay??? u dun understand anithing. u dun understand my feelings. u dun even care. oh yeah, i furget, why shld u all care? u are not tat close to me. you dun hafta care... right????? and i haf to comfort ppl when i dey r sad, and while i am sad too. it's so ridiculous. nobody cares. why? maybe i suck. tat's why. i wun bother aniwae. i can jus go kill myself. i scared of penknifes, maybe i shld take pills? or shld i jus jump down frm my hse. i dunno. i am scared. i am veri scared. i feel so empty inside. jus emptiness in my heart, where deres a hole. a black hole. he doesn't notice me. he doesn't even care. i dun wan him to like me. i jus wan to be frenz with him. i noe he likes her. but she alwaes pull me towards him. doesn't she noe? can't she jus shutup for tat one minute? i am so tired of everything. going to school, and alwaes worrying about this and tat. going home and getting scolded by parents. maybe i shld jus go and die. den dey will realise i actually existed. gosh, i sound like her. no. this is me. i am myself. nobody can make me pretend to be sumone else i am not again. but den again, i will rethink about my list of "how to die" den i decide. i will. i will do it. i swear. unless. unless things change for the better. which will not. never.